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Cars and Stars Series 2021-2026

Interested in showing a piece or 20 from this series? Please contact me ︎︎︎

11 Swans

Interested in showing a piece or 20 from this series? Please contact me ︎︎︎

December 2024 I was invited to a show curated by Kate Curesma at the Demo Spot. I had a role in helping with the poster design for the show, and I drew one swan quickly with a ceramic glaze brush doused in ink. As soon as I saw the textured, swerving lines on the paper, my inner child was unleashed. I was ripping page after page in my sketchbook, painting and enjoying the beautiful strokes, resulting in 11 beautiful and unique swans. I was living in an apartment where my desk faced an old orange tree where squirrels came to nap. I lived alone for the first time in my life. It was my secret tree house in the sky, a place to to truly be myself. The only problem was I didn’t really know who I was. So much was changing in my life, and I wanted to use these swans to distill what I was feeling. So I challenged myself to write 11 lines about what I was feeling, one for each swan.

I was being haunted by dreams of some friends who had ghosted me with no explanation. As a sensitive and emotional person, I felt abandoned. Navigating that abandonment was one of the most powerful lessons of my life, because it forced me to examine my perfectionism. I had always thought I could prevent abandonment by being perfect. The perfect friend that always followed-up, never cancelled, and centered everyone elses needs while ignoring my own.

This experience showed me that that strategy can fail. If friends I’ve known for seven years could suddenly stop talking to me without any explanation, friends whose family I’ve met, who I’ve vacationed with, and spent countless holidays and birthdays with... then maybe being perfect doesn’t really matter.

I strived for perfection, and it didn’t work. So, I adapted and found a new strategy. And I am so much healthier for it.